I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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