Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
