i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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