Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
