She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
