YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
