i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
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