tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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