dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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