oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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