i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
