it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
