I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
