He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
