Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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