Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
