there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
