I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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