Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
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I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize