As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
