I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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