you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
