I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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