I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
