Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
