don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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