i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
