The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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