just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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