She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
