ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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