Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
you will always have a special place in my vag
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
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If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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