a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
