I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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