Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
