I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
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I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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