What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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