Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm bleeding and have questions
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
