its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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