my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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