We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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