no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Be still, my beating vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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