Where did you get a picture of my penis
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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