i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
