in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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