R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
