That's when you crack a 10am beer
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
