A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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