Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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