I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
