He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
