Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
