The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
