If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He kissed a someone with a penis
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize