i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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