What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
