Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
