You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
