I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
