I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
