New invention idea: vibrating tampons
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize