i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
3 2 1 whiskey
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize