I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
i think my cat just said my name.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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