Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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