Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
