Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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